Blurry Weekend

This weekend was pretty much a blur. The blessed tax refund hit the bank on Friday and then it was all out money partying. I We were able to pay off the couch and the storage ottoman that have been on lay-a-way. And I we were able to bring our new mattress home. *dancing the cabbage patch* Really, I haven't had a new mattress in four relationships and two kids ago. It's been a long time indeed. And the pure excitement of getting a new one was almost too much for this girl to handle. And then the mad Easter sales were going on. I will say that I had the best of intentions of spending a lot of money on myself. But, yet again, the money went to the girls.

Now before you start on the whole "you should do something nice for yourself" stuff, I know it. But I have a lot of good reasons for not doing nice stuff for myself. First and foremost, when you're resigned to being poor you eventually give up on wanting things. I suppose you may have had to have been poor at some point in your life to understand that, but it's true. I mean, M was constantly on me to get something for myself, and the truth is, I could not think of one thing that I wanted. Every time I tried to come up with some totally frivolous way to spend money on myself, my mind would interrupt with "toilet paper, toothpaste, deodorant, allergy pills....etc etc." M finally toted me to the store and demanded that I have some sort of money spent on myself so I am proud to announce that my ass is sitting in a new desk chair.

Saturday started with a jaunt to the Easter egg hunt. It was unfuckingbelievably cold. And it went way too fast, meaning that by the time I turned Mak's eggs in I had missed Grace's hunt altogether. I was more than a little mad at myself, but whatever. I am putting a real effort into not sweating the small stuff these days. Life tends to be a bit happier if you don't sweat the small stuff.

Saturday afternoon we headed to my friend F's house for the big First Birthday Par-tay. I was a bit surprised when F wasn't downstairs when we arrived. I was even more surprised when her husband told me that she was upstairs in bed because she wasn't feeling well. She did finally make it down the stairs and then sat covered up with a blanket because she was fevered. I ask you, why would she not have called and cancelled the party instead of having us take the kids there to be given the damn Funk? I don't get it. She said that it was because it was Mak's first birthday. Okay, but we could have done it on another day. *grimace*

Saturday made for a very long day. Grace played hard with her friend. Mak played hard too. And she consumed an awful lot of cake and icing. We didn't get home until ten p.m. The girls were ass tired and so were we. And then there was the whole "gotta be the Easter Bunny" thing. It was a very long day.

Yesterday morning, Easter, started with Grace getting out of bed before anyone else. I don't like the thought of her being on her own in the apartment while everyone else is in bed, and she knows this. Good thing she leaves a trail of destruction everywhere she goes, eh. I can pretty much trace her every step. I asked her if she had found anything from the Easter bunny and she said, "Yeah. Mine's on the tv and Makayla's is on the fish tank." She really didn't act as if she cared one way or the other. She was pretty excited about the stuff the Easter Bunny had left for her. I don't go all out on the candy, choosing books and jewelry instead. It was nice, sitting there all cuddled up on the couch with Grace, just the two of us, going through her basket. And then I realized that it shouldn't be just the two of us because there was a baby sister who had turned one while we all slept and a dad. *frown*

But I refuse to feel guilty because I sat and enjoyed a quiet moment with Grace. I refuse. *talking to that mean little fuck of an inner child of mine* I combined Mak's birthday and Easter gifts into one. She seemed to enjoy the toys with all the bells and whistles. And then, after a quiet day at home, the surprise of all surprises happened: My brother and SIL showed up.

I was more than a bit put out with them that there was no acknowledgement whatsoever from them on Grace's birthday. They had only seen Mak twice since she had been born. I kind of thought when they walked in last night that they were making  a stopover to acknowledge both girls' birthdays. Ha. They didn't even realize it was Makayla's birthday yesterday. My relationship with my bro is wrong on so many levels.

Grace was so happy that her aunt was here. They have always had a thing. But Mak was terrified of her uncle. She constantly clung to me and cried, thinking the big tall thing was going to get her. And that was sad for me. But I was only sad for about that *snap of the fingers* long. After all, it's not *my* fault that they aren't a part of my girls' lives. I have nothing to do with it. And I was actually quite glad when they finally decided it was time to go home.

I don't have my camera down here with me or I would post Mak's pictures from her big party. One year old. Who's weird sense of humor was it that made me drink lots of beer and conceive both times in the last week of June? Really. Leave it to me to have my daughters four days apart. But at least I am able to get past the sentimental "oh, my baby is growing up so fast" stuff within a couple of days. And then I can go on and enjoy them and the ways they have grown.

Speaking of enjoying them, my eldest of two has just made her way down the stairs. I had sent her on an errand and she evidently didn't get it right, so I should go and take care of it myself. As if I didn't know I would have to do that when I sent her upstairs in the first place. *smirk*